I know you’ve been drawn here by this post’s catchy title so let’s dive right in English folk and take this opportunity to learn a little more about people from Northern Ireland!
1. We know you don’t want us.
Yes Northern Ireland is the fart in the lift of the U.K.
You don’t want us but we’re here so cover your noses and get over it.
And yes, Northern Ireland was the equivalent of a leary sweaty drunk in a club putting its arm around a sober and very uncomfortable England following the recent General Election.
There were more negative comments on Twitter about Northern Ireland than I’ve had hot dinners (actually make that cold, slightly hardened dinners – I’m a parent).
2. We Can’t Talk Properly
Please know that we get the sweats when we have to ring O2/Next/Argos/Tesco.
We don’t understand you and you don’t understand us.
We pronounce our “ings” as “ins” (we’re “jokin”, you’re “joking”) and there are some key words in our vocabulary that you don’t even know the meaning of…! For example:-
– “Wee” – this means “small” not “piss” (back us up here Scotland)
– “Blether” – to ramble about nonsense
– “Footer” – to work at something (e.g. I’m having a wee footer at my website)
(If someone could let Apple know that we need these words added to their dictionary pronto that’d save me swearing so much at my phone. Please and thank you.)
3. We Don’t Like that You’ve Tried to Take Our “Craic”
Stop stealing the word “craic.”
We’ve been hearing it sporadically used in soaps etc lately.
It does not sound right in an English accent and we invented it.*
*(this may not be true.)
4. We’re Not Alcoholics
No Ed Sheeran, we do not sit around drinking in bars and playing the fiddle all day.
Sorry to disappoint but we have jobs and responsibilities; there are even offices and businesses here.
5. We Prefer Facebook to Twitter
Facebook still seems to be the social media platform of choice in good old Northern Ireland. We love a good blether (see key words in Point 2) and 140 characters just doesn’t cut it.
6. We’re Super Friendly
We’re such a super friendly bunch since we stopped bombing each other here in Northern Ireland so why not come visit us?
There are some amazing places to visit here and we’d love to have you; you might even get to sit drinking in a bar all day playing the fiddle.