3½ Ways My Husband is Like Tom Hardy

Some evenings, if I’m feeling especially romantic, I’ll bring my laptop into the living room and sit on the sofa beside my husband to work while he watches (the most boring shite ever on) TV. On one such occasion recently I was typing feverishly (11.30pm the night before a deadline brings out my best work), when I happened to glance up from my screen at my better (ahem) half. I’m not sure which one of his chins caught my eye first, but this fleeting glance in his direction got me thinking how remarkably similar he is to Tom Hardy.

And so, just in case you don’t believe me, I give you 6 ways my husband is slightly a bit like Tom Hardy:-

1. They do the bedtime story the same number of times a year. Twice. Given the infrequency with which they partake in the night time ritual of the education of young minds, it seems they share a common reluctance in this area. Tom hides it better though doesn’t he. There isn’t a hint of humdrum in those dulcet tones of his and not once have I seen him fast asleep, snoring, with the book flat across his face and mouth agape.

2. They both have toned abs. A quick Google search of “abs” has confirmed that everyone has abs (short for abdominal muscles), so unless my husband is a miracle of modern day science, his are in there somewhere.

3. Give me a minute.

4. Nope. Nothing.

5. Would you look at that, point 5 already! Because I greatly value my husband’s input in my life (and have otherwise completely run out of ideas) I asked him in what way he feels similar to Tom Hardy. What follows is an exact transcript of his answer,

I’m nothing like Tom Hardy! For one, I’m probably taller. And I’m better looking and smarter. Sure all he is is an actor. I have a degree. And I dress better than he does. He hardly wears clothes. And I’m clean shaven, he’s not. He looks like a tramp half the time. Change the article to ‘ways your husband is better than Tom Hardy’ and you’ll be able to think of 50 things. And don’t forget to add that I don’t go around posing like a moody knobhead.”

6. They both fancy themselves just a smidge.

And so, there you have it, 6 (some might argue 3½ at a push) ways my husband is like Tom Hardy, which can be found under the file name, “The Most Tediously Difficult Piece of Writing I’ve Ever Written.”

I’m off to pour myself a Jerry can of wine and watch the CBeebies Bedtime Hour to celebrate their likeness (*snort*).


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