Difficulty: Bordering on Impossible

Prep. Time: 3 Days


1. Quite a lot of very strong coffee

2. Milk (if desired)

3. Some water

4. Persistence


  1. Awake at ungodly hour and argue with some children about shoes.
  2. Ferry school-going children to school.
  3. Put disapproving looks from fresh-faced Boden mums down to Botox.
  4. Scurry home to embrace peace and quiet.
  5. Remember toddler.
  6. Get toddler from car / school foyer.
  7. Enthusiastically boil kettle and shovel instant coffee granules into a mug with your bare hands.
  8. Return 3 days later and repeat boiling of kettle.
  9. Return a further 2 days later and repeat boiling of kettle.
  10. Give up.
  11. Drink discarded pouches of warm Capri Sun for the rest of your life.

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