The Paddling Pool

Following today’s weather forecast, the Paddling Pool Threat Level has been raised to ‘Severe,’ which means that foraging in the shed for a crumpled ball of plastic is highly likely.

The sodding thing will smell like a mixture of last year’s ham sandwiches, fermented grass, sun lotion and disappointment. There’ll also be a confused family of insects hidden in the folds, you know, just because the whole experience isn’t delightful enough.

If, like me, you’re not posh and/or organised enough to have a foot pump, blowing the pool up manually might make you die.
If you live through the ordeal, congrats and yes you have ruptured all the blood vessels in your cheeks.

Also, can we discuss how, 3 puffs in (max.), the kids will try their luck at getting into the pool, which is still as deflated as your soul.

Do remember that Hose Disentangling Rage is a normal emotion at this juncture.
If you don’t have a hose, or go down the route of attempting to fill the pool with warm water, the following formula might be helpful:-

Total Number of Basins of Water Needed = Diameter of pool (cm) x 4,367.

And yet, after all the hours of preparation your heart will be aglow when you see your little ones splashing gleefully, the sunlight glinting off the gentle ripples of water.

For ten minutes. Then they’ll be cold. And angry. And probably hungry.


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