Preparation Time: 3 hours 46 minutes
- 4 slices of bread
- Peel sleeping toddler from body and attempt transfer to sofa.
- Sit for 3 minutes in deathly silence being careful not to breathe.
- Scurry off to kitchen with gay abandon.
- Trip over toy.
- Spot dishes at sink that need to be dealt with before joyous child-free toast eating.
- Throw clothes into washing machine. Be vaguely aware of poo smell.
- Remember about making toast.
- Put 2 slices of bread in toaster.
- Realise you may never again have chance to eat without being repeatedly prodded in the eyeball with a plastic Iggle Piggle.
- Add 2 more slices of bread.
- Momentarily recall The Diet.
- Swiftly dismiss memories of The Diet.
- Fret that popping-up of toaster will awaken sleeping toddler.
- Fret that buttering of toast will awaken toddler.
- Fret that your thoughts will awaken toddler.
- Anxiously creep towards, and peer at, toddler.
- Check toddler is still breathing.
- Bring plate of toast over to sit near sleeping toddler.
- Try not to crunch toast too loudly.
- Feel the beginnings of relaxation.
- Watch helplessly as sleeping toddler abruptly awakens.
- Allow toddler to take all of the toast.
- Eat custard creams.