I’m not a fan of faffing around so, without further ado (or faff), here are 10 of the most annoying things known to mankind:-
1. Letters addressed to “The Occupier.”
Well well well Virgin / Sky / TalkTalk, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.
Since you have taken the time to build such a personal relationship with me I will definitely sign up for your best deal ever. No of course I don’t mind if it only lasts for 6 weeks after which I’ll find myself bound to pay three times that amount for the next 45 years.
2. Bad Grammar
I don’t know how to describe my feelings on this one without sounding like the most annoying thing since TalkTalk mail drops, but I really can’t deal with bad grammar.
Please don’t judge me!
My husband and I have been perilously close to divorce because of his horrific insistence on constantly using “did” instead of “done.”
“She’s did that already” is literally enough to send me over the edge.
3. Those Foil Tabs on Cartons of Juice
Or more specifically, when those foil tabs rip off and you’re left having to stab your way in to the carton with a fork.
See image below.
4. Nina and The Neurons
Followers of my Facebook page will know my feelings on the horror that is a grown woman with scarily symmetrical and inexplicably glossy pigtails. I’m also quite vexed by the lab coat / leggings / mid-calf boot combo if I’m honest.
5. Arriving Home After a Car Journey with the Kids
Clearing out the car after going anywhere with the kids is the stuff of nightmares for me. I’ll be walking into the house with bags, discarded hoodies, an assortment of toys, maybe some swimming goggles hanging from every orifice of my body.
I’m also stubborn enough to refuse to do two runs at clearing the post journey rubble so will stagger to the house carrying as much as is physically possible.
There’s always an annoying toy that seizes its chance of freedom and leaps from your arms. It’ll either roll under the car (right to the middle) or roll like a bat out of hell down the drive and out onto the road.
6. Kinder Surprise Egg Toys
An actual transcript* of the meeting where they invented Kinder Surprise Eggs;
“I know! Let’s find the shittiest quality of plastic EVER and use it to make the SMALLEST of toys we can (JUST visible without the aid of a microscope should be fun) And also, even though this is the worlds shittiest toy ever let’s include a 120-page instruction booklet with safety information in 17 different languages but only one shitty picture of how to actually assemble the worlds shittiest toy!”
7. Tea at Soft Play Centres
Just when we thought we were FINALLY going to get a well-earned break, we’re forced to drink slightly odd tasting and lukewarm (all out cold in the less luxurious establishments) tea. Oh and that’s if you even manage to get your finger through the handle of the teeny manky cup it’ll be served in.
Let’s not forget the nice cold sore you’ll have in a week or two as a little keepsake from your time in the delightful soft play café.
8. My Mother in Law
I’m joking! (mostly.)
9. Snapchat Filters
Since when would we nip to Tesco wearing a casual flower garland pray tell?
I’m actually starting to forget what normal humans look like what with all the bunny/human hybrids on the scene these days.
10. People Who Stand Almost Level in a Queue.
If I’ve earned a decent position in the M&S checkout queue, I do NOT need Bob and his armful of bananas lingering somewhere in the east to south east zone.
Bob, I don’t know what you think you’re going to achieve here but just so as we’re clear, I am happy to floor you with an overpriced (but delicious) baguette if you don’t get into line NOW.
So there you have it, 10 things that highlight perfectly just how grumpy and intolerant I’m becoming in my advancing years; I doubt if even one of the above would have bothered me in my twenties!
Now in my early thirties, I just want to be left alone with my cup of cocoa and a good read.