10 Things that Get On My Goat

I’m not a fan of faffing around so, without further ado (or faff), here are 10 of the most annoying things known to mankind:-

1. Letters addressed to “The Occupier.”

Well well well Virgin / Sky / TalkTalk, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Since you have taken the time to build such a personal relationship with me I will definitely sign up for your best deal ever. No of course I don’t mind if it only lasts for 6 weeks after which I’ll find myself bound to pay three times that amount for the next 45 years.

 

2. Bad Grammar

I don’t know how to describe my feelings on this one without sounding like the most annoying thing since TalkTalk mail drops, but I really can’t deal with bad grammar.

Please don’t judge me!

My husband and I have been perilously close to divorce because of his horrific insistence on constantly using “did” instead of “done.”

She’s did that already” is literally enough to send me over the edge.

 

3. Those Foil Tabs on Cartons of Juice

Or more specifically, when those foil tabs rip off and you’re left having to stab your way in to the carton with a fork.

See image below.

4. Nina and The Neurons

Followers of my Facebook page will know my feelings on the horror that is a grown woman with scarily symmetrical and inexplicably glossy pigtails. I’m also quite vexed by the lab coat / leggings / mid-calf boot combo if I’m honest.

 

5. Arriving Home After a Car Journey with the Kids

Clearing out the car after going anywhere with the kids is the stuff of nightmares for me. I’ll be walking into the house with bags, discarded hoodies, an assortment of toys, maybe some swimming goggles hanging from every orifice of my body.

I’m also stubborn enough to refuse to do two runs at clearing the post journey rubble so will stagger to the house carrying as much as is physically possible.

There’s always an annoying toy that seizes its chance of freedom and leaps from your arms. It’ll either roll under the car (right to the middle) or roll like a bat out of hell down the drive and out onto the road.

 

6. Kinder Surprise Egg Toys

An actual transcript* of the meeting where they invented Kinder Surprise Eggs;

I know! Let’s find the shittiest quality of plastic EVER and use it to make the SMALLEST of toys we can (JUST visible without the aid of a microscope should be fun) And also, even though this is the worlds shittiest toy ever let’s include a 120-page instruction booklet with safety information in 17 different languages but only one shitty picture of how to actually assemble the worlds shittiest toy!

*not really

 

Aaaarrggh!!!!

 

7. Tea at Soft Play Centres

Just when we thought we were FINALLY going to get a well-earned break, we’re forced to drink slightly odd tasting and lukewarm (all out cold in the less luxurious establishments) tea. Oh and that’s if you even manage to get your finger through the handle of the teeny manky cup it’ll be served in.

Let’s not forget the nice cold sore you’ll have in a week or two as a little keepsake from your time in the delightful soft play café.

 

8. My Mother in Law

I’m joking! (mostly.)

 

9. Snapchat Filters

Since when would we nip to Tesco wearing a casual flower garland pray tell?

I’m actually starting to forget what normal humans look like what with all the bunny/human hybrids on the scene these days.

Just looking casual nipping to the shops here. And before laser eye specialists start getting in touch, the squint was for effect.

 

10. People Who Stand Almost Level in a Queue.

If I’ve earned a decent position in the M&S checkout queue, I do NOT need Bob and his armful of bananas lingering somewhere in the east to south east zone.

Bob, I don’t know what you think you’re going to achieve here but just so as we’re clear, I am happy to floor you with an overpriced (but delicious) baguette if you don’t get into line NOW.

 

****

 

So there you have it, 10 things that highlight perfectly just how grumpy and intolerant I’m becoming in my advancing years; I doubt if even one of the above would have bothered me in my twenties!

Now in my early thirties, I just want to be left alone with my cup of cocoa and a good read.

Mum Muddling Through
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17 Comments

  1. 2nd September 2017 / 6:22 am

    What a brilliant way to start the weekend! The only problem with 10 things that get on my goat is that there are only 10 of them. I laughed so hard I woke the neighbours. More please!!!

  2. The Mummy Bubble
    7th September 2017 / 11:18 am

    Yes! I have the hump about all of these things, even the MIL at times, haha! The foil on juice cartons is so irritating. I would add to that a long list of other packaging that comes with a “handy” pull here tab that just breaks off or doesn’t work. So annoying!
    Great list x #coolmumclub

    • 8th September 2017 / 9:57 pm

      Ahaha! Yes to the annoying “pull here” tabs that rip off! We’re sounding like right old grumps!! Thanks for taking the time to read Vicky! xx

  3. 7th September 2017 / 11:56 am

    Lol I love this post and was nodding along to all of these points! Nina and The Neurons, bad soft play tea and those foil tabs are enough to send me stir crazy! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub xoxo

  4. 8th September 2017 / 7:58 am

    I don’t think I will ever “get” snapchat. Foil tabs too, they can leave my life. #Coolmumclub

  5. 8th September 2017 / 4:55 pm

    I’m with you on the Snapchat filters and the Kinder Eggs. Do you use a comma after but though? #coolmumclub

    • 8th September 2017 / 9:55 pm

      I’m going with “almost never” to that question; as far as I’m aware it’s not a hard and fast rule? I could be wrong – I’m definitely no expert on grammar, I just don’t like it being flagrantly misused!

  6. 9th September 2017 / 5:07 pm

    Sorry, what!? You don’t go out in bunny ears/flower garlands? Are you even human? I only just watched an episode of Nina and neurons today and thought immediately of you (in a non-creepy way) – it is immensely irritating!

    I would write a post on it, but I know you’ve did that already….. sorry, I’m not funny, I know.

    #coolmumclub

  7. 9th September 2017 / 6:36 pm

    This had me laughing out load and nodding along all the way through. I have to agree on all points, except the MIL, mine actually rocks (apart from when she’s had a drink 😬)
    #Coolmumclub

  8. 15th September 2017 / 8:53 am

    Oh this is hilarious!!! Tea quality in soft play areas is definitely in my top ten reasons I’m delighted my children have grown out of them !! #blogstravaganza

  9. 15th September 2017 / 1:35 pm

    Haha, brilliant. Especially the queuing one…! C’mon people, there’s a system here 😉 #Blogstravaganza

  10. 15th September 2017 / 4:44 pm

    Oh my word, tea at soft play makes me want to puke! I can totally relate on the car front too, it’s a total tip! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

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