Are you heading on holiday with the kids this summer? Chances are you’ve checked out some ‘what to pack’ guides online, but let’s cut the crap*, get down to business and let me tell you what you REALLY need for heading away with the kids…
*(these guides are probably not crap and are possibly much more useful than the following)
1. An Enormous Multi-Pack of Haribo
Did you know that Haribo have magical healing properties? Producing a bag of these will cure a wide range of ailments from bumps and bruises to accidental flushing of teddy down the toilet. Haribo are also a crucial negotiating tool and can be used to bribe your way out of many a hostile situation.
2. A Plastic Bag.
Most mums will know that if you go on any sort of car journey with kids, it usually means that YOU are the designated bin. So is there a sweet they’ve chewed a bit then spat out? Guess who it gets passed to? Yep, Mum. And if there’s a tissue that’s recently welcomed a noseful of snot does the owner carefully tuck it into a pocket? Nope, Mummy gets it! And the lollipop that rolled in hairs on the floor of your car, and the empty juice cartons and wrappers and the abandoned straws etc etc…you guessed it, it aaaaaallllll goes to Mum. So save your hands from certain doom and bring a plastic bag to use as the in-car bin!
3. A Vast Quantity of Baby Wipes
If “x” is the number of days you are away with the kids, then the formula for working out the number of packs of wipes you’ll need is 47x + 82. You will go through a packet of wipes quicker than you can say ‘I told you not to blow air into your Capri Sun‘ when you’re out and about with kids. Their uses are infinite, from wiping chins to crusty TV remotes and a multitude of bums in between.
4. Diarrhoea Medicine
Sometimes the lure of the hotel’s dubious cold (luke-warm and sweaty – vom) luncheon meats platter is too good to resist. But no one wants the shits on holidays and if mum goes down it’s game-over. Don’t be the one with the shits.
5. Giant Flappy Pyjamas
Husbands think their luck’s in when they go on holiday. They get terribly carried away and totally forget that, although their whole life is a blinkin’ holiday, even an official holiday is not remotely a vacation for you. You’ll be even more exhausted than usual so tactically-sized pyjamas will act as a natural repellant.
6. A Spare Car
It’s best if you can arrange for another car to follow you in a convoy-like fashion to your destination. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have read a plethora of ‘how to pack‘ guides for travelling with kids but still end up packing up your entire house, plus 5 spare pairs of pants, for a few days away. Best just to admit defeat and stuff another vehicle full of things that may never see the outside of a suitcase.
7. Dettol Wipes
Are you even a Mum if you’re not doing the hotel bathroom and door handles with a wee Dettol wipe as soon as you get there?! I vowed never to be ‘that’ mum but I know how gross my kids are and I’m not willing to bet that the kids in the room before us weren’t as gross.
Bring wine if you’re going on holiday with young kids. I urge you to bring wine. Wine. All the wine.