The Alternative Adventures of Abney and Teal

One morning Teal was woken suddenly by 3, bordering on violent, miniature people.

Teal noticed that Abney was still sound asleep. Teal’s elbow slipped and accidentally gave Abney a sharp dig in the ribs.

But still Abney slept.

Teal shuffled her way downstairs looking like a holy fright. She then had to engage in a full blown conversation about whether a Hot Wheels car or Thomas the Tank Engine would win in a race.

Teal lovingly prepared a nutritious breakfast for the miniature people who screamed ‘YUCK!!!!!!!!!’ and asked for a biscuit instead.

As the morning wasn’t going very well, Teal began shovelling coffee granules into a cup. Teal did think about shovelling the granules directly into her mouth.

The miniature people were being a touch difficult that particular morning and Teal muttered some exotic sounding words under her breath.

Just as the miniature people were dressed and ready for school, Abney came downstairs looking smug and refreshed. Teal muttered more exotic words under her breath as Abney enjoyed a relaxed and sophisticated breakfast of adults.

Abney went off to work and Teal took 2 of the miniature people to school before returning home to try to do some work on her brand new blog post called ‘What it’s like to have a husband who never takes off his orange scarf and is harbouring suppressed feminine tendancies.’

But Teal remembered she hadn’t had breakfast and so, as the baby had a long 20 minute nap, Teal helped herself to a small slice of chocolate cake and ate it with dignity and composure.

Teal had just opened her laptop to begin typing when she remembered the rather large pile of washing upstairs that was at risk of becoming a threat to Western civilisation.

So Teal put some of the clothes in the washing machine.

Teal thought about how much time she spent with the washing machine and whether it would be more practical for her to sleep there from now on.

Before long, it was time to collect 2 of the miniature people from school.

At the school, Teal saw all the other skinny, tanned mummies with long, shiny hair and matching clothes.

Teal began to regret her choice of the wrinkly dress and leggings she’d found at the bottom of a big pile of clothes on the chair in the bedroom that morning.

Teal avoided eye contact with the yummy mummies and scuttled back to her car as fast as her scruffy red Converse would carry her.

Around teatime, Abney came home to find Teal slumped over a giant pile of ironing and the miniature people running feral.

Abney suggested they make something quick for tea since Teal appeared to have lost the plot, so Teal slaved over a hot microwave to prepare everyone a balanced meal.

Once dinner was over, the miniature people were bathed by Abney, who then considered himself a hero.

After the bath, Teal read one or two bedtime stories.

Much, much later, all 3 miniature people fell asleep.

While Abney relaxed, Teal emptied the dishwasher,  then spent 30 frantic minutes wondering what to pack in the miniature people’s lunchbags for tomorrow.

After such a long and trying day, Teal decided to treat herself to just a little sip of wine.

Night night everyone, night night.

‘Abney and Teal, how does it feel to be such a cliche? It’s just right for us, it’s adventurous, Mum at home, home being a cliche.’


Bringing up Georgia


  1. 25th September 2017 / 5:12 pm

    Oh Teal, you have brightened up my day. Laugh out loud hilarious

  2. 27th September 2017 / 3:12 pm

    Haha. They are lunatics always eating cement and far gong bubbles X

  3. 29th September 2017 / 10:39 am

    This is brilliant! Made me laugh out loud 🙂 thank you for cheering up my rainy morning! #Blogstravaganza

  4. 29th September 2017 / 11:42 am

    You made me cry into my tea with laughter. Brilliant post and thanks for sharing #Blogstravaganza

  5. 29th September 2017 / 8:02 pm

    Oh my god I can’t breathe! The pictures too – genius!! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza and for making my day! Xxx

  6. 30th September 2017 / 8:28 pm

    I feel like there is some sort of deeper meaning to this… possibly. After reading, I’ve decided you should progress onto similar YouTube videos with comedy voice-overs – your pictures are bloody brilliant! You are bloody brilliant! #blogstravaganza

    • 1st October 2017 / 9:41 am

      Ahaha no one needs my voice in their life, my insta stories are bad enough 😂🙈 Thank you for your kind words as always Lucy. Yes you’re right re the deeper meaning, Teal is representative of the repressed feminist anger building up within my rib cage! Abney is symbolic of mankind and their war against the global corporation. I’m talking utter nonsense as usual!xxx

  7. 6th October 2017 / 8:52 am

    I love your photos, your day so resonates with me from the glam-mums at the school gate to your little tiny phrase ‘while Abney relaxed’ and the venom behind it! Thank God for blogging eh? #blogstravagnaza

    • 6th October 2017 / 8:47 pm

      EXACTLY! Blogging is therapy to me, total therapy! I feel a million times better when I write it out of my system! Thanks for your comment!

  8. 11th October 2017 / 6:31 pm

    Teal needs a weekend away while Abney fights to stay alive with the miniature humans! #fortheloveofBLOG

    • 17th October 2017 / 8:26 pm

      Yes to that Heather! With a lot of white wine! Love the “fights to stay alive” haha!!! xx

  9. The Mummy Bubble
    12th October 2017 / 12:01 pm

    Jemma this post is absolutely brilliant! Had me in stitches the whole way. The pictures are just inspired, love the one with the wine bottle. The chocolate cake one is absolutely how I eat chocolate cake and I hold my head up high while doing it! So funny, I needed a good laugh this afternoon as well. Thanks so much for joining #fortheloveofBLOG

    • 17th October 2017 / 8:25 pm

      Thanks so much Vicky – you are always so lovely with your comments! Glad it gave you a laugh! Thanks for hosting xx

  10. 13th October 2017 / 11:43 am

    I see you have already been added to the #blogcrush linky so I had to add someone else 🙂

    • 17th October 2017 / 8:24 pm

      Aw thanks so much Liberty for even thinking of me!!! So lovely of you! By the way, can I just say that you have the best name EVER! Total name envy right now – you just sound like you were born to write books!xx

  11. 17th October 2017 / 5:47 pm

    Ha ha I loved reading this and I feel pretty much the same as Teal. Why is there never enough time? Did you get that blog post finished or did the washing distract you. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  12. 17th October 2017 / 8:10 pm

    Haha fab! I love the photos to illustrate it all. Is it bad that all I could think about when the messy chocolate picture came up was how long it was going to take to clean the mess up! Hahaha.

    Anyway congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush

  13. 17th October 2017 / 8:14 pm

    Thanks so much for your comment Claire and for hosting! There is NEVER enough time is there? The washing always distracts me; I’ll be sitting typing away and it’ll be there in the corner taunting me! xx

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