A Very Grown-Up View on Kids’ TV

I can often be found chilling out watching TV with my kids.

And when I say ‘chilling out’ I mean shoveling chocolate into my face and muttering under my breath about the misgivings in kids’ TV.

So, without further ado, here is a short rant about some popular children’s shows!

 

Thomas and Friends

What in the hell is this Fat Controller dude doing going round talking to trains?

And as if that’s not bizarre enough, he gets them to call him ‘Sir.’

I’m sorry but that’s just plain kinky.

Is Sir Topham Hatt a secret Dominant a la Christian Grey (except with less hair and more fat rolls)?

A small part of me winces when I hear him say ‘well done Percy, you are a really useful engine.’

Filth.

 

Power Rangers Dino Charge


I’m sorry but who exactly is funding all this?

State of the art weaponry, cutting edge underground laboratory and stylish quality Lycra suits that are clearly dry-cleaned at least once a week.

Council grant?

 

Charlie & Lola


Is it just me or do these kids spend an awful lot of time unsupervised?

Where are their parents?

I even saw one episode where Charlie was expected to fix Lola’s dinner.

I’m guessing Mummy drinks and Daddy works in the city weekdays.

 

Do You Know?

Thanks CBeebies but can you just put Maddie away please. I do not need to see this over-eager, chirpy woman with perfect hair and brains to boot when I’m sitting here with broccoli purée stains on my jeans, hair that hasn’t seen a bottle of Pantene in a week and more belly fat hanging over my jeans than I care to discuss.

 

Postman Pat


HOW is he still employed????

Most people who’ve made as many cock-ups as him would at least be on a final written warning by now.

He gets ONE job, has access to a van, helicopter, GPS…and his deliveries STILL go tits up.

 

Topsy & Tim

I do not need to see this shiny loving family with their lovely attitudes and helpfulness.

The parents are ridiculously cheerful (possibly medicated?) and the kids are cooperative and respectful.

Are we in fantasy land?!

I want to see Dad coming home from work in a bitch of a mood to find Topsy and Tim tearing chunks out of each other fighting over the iPad and Mum taking a wee sneaky swig of wine out of the bottle in the fridge because she’s burnt the dinner and has a shit load of ironing to do when she eventually gets the kids to bed.

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Have you got grievances with any current kids’ programs? I would love to hear them!!! Please feel free to leave me a little comment! You can also find more of my CBeebies related thoughts here.

 

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