I’m a Rubbish Mum (Thanks Social Media)

Now that school’s out for summer, my social media feeds have been flooded with happy, relaxed families enjoying the holidays.

I’ve seen lovely photos of amazing craft activities, baking efforts, forest rambles, nature trails and beach picnics.

As lovely as they are, they make me feel like a really rubbish mum.

Today we had “one of those days.”

You know the ones where everyone’s a bit grumpy and nothing really “works.”

Of course, when you’re having ‘one of those days’ the worst thing you can do is to peek at your Facebook newsfeed.

You’re sure to be met (slapped up the face) by pictures of Barbara’s kids having a picnic, aboard a yacht obviously.

They will all look unattainably happy and fresh faced and have cute little life jackets on (the ones they own not the manky kind you hire).
Babs has a proper wicker picnic basket (not the plastic Sainsbury’s bag you use) and a proper fancy pants wool blanket from Laura Ashley (the kind of one you just couldn’t justify buying).

Babs and her yacht

And you’re sat there with the maternity pyjamas you’ve had for 6 years that have a hole in them. Your hair is greasier-than-ideal (washing your hair is a luxury these days) and your kids are playing on the iPad.

Chances are, Barbara’s photo will send you plummeting into a feeling of total inadequacy.

So, social media (and Barbara) let me give you a rundown on how my average ‘one of those days’ goes (spoiler – there is no yacht):-

5.30am – 6.00am

Wake up (not by choice and grumpy) at ridiculous o’clock.

6.00am – 11.00am

​Despite having been up from ridiculous o’clock, no one is dressed and we’ve achieved nothing except breakfast and a couple of hours of CBeebies.

11.00am

Suddenly realise that we have achieved very little and it’s nearly lunchtime.

Stuff the kids into the car and head haphazardly towards the nearest ‘fun but educational’ establishment, because, you know, we need to ‘make memories.’

2.00pm

Everyone’s moaning and hungry.

Realise that nobody’s had lunch (unless we’re counting the packet of Fruitella dredged from the darkest corner of my handbag as bribery during a sibling brawl earlier at ‘fun but educational‘ establishment).

2.30pm

Get home – everyone’s arguing and still hungry. Make some spahghetti hoops and toast just so everyone gets fed as soon as possible.

Happen to glance at Instagram feed and see that Susan down the road served her kids organic cucumber and hummus for lunch today.

 

Feel like the worst mum alive.

4.00pm

Kids are already starting to get tired so are whinging on a massive scale – agree to some iPad time just to cool things down a bit.

Think about Barbara on the yacht.

Still feeling like a rubbish mum.

5.00pm – 9.00pm​

This 4-hour period is a blur of bickering, healthy food refusal, biscuit crumbs, bath water, pjs, stories, restlessness, more bickering, milk, cuddles and fighting sleep to the bitter end.

9.00pm

​Everyone is FINALLY asleep.

The INSTANT the house goes quiet, miss the kids desperately.

Feel so sad for the times I ran out of patience, feel sad that I only joined in their game for a few minutes earlier before I had to deal with the baby then grapple with a load of washing.

The rubbish mum feeling continues.

9.30pm

Have a glass of wine or do the ironing. It can go either way (usually it’s the wine).

Make a promise to try to be a better mum tomorrow.

Google if anyone does family boat trips in our area.

10.00pm

Go onto Facebook and post the ONE photo I took at the ‘fun but educational‘ establishment and write ‘Lovely day out with my gorgeous kids.’  Aaarrgh!!!!

Social media, you have a LOT to answer for.

You are contributing to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression.

For every photo of a mum taking her kids swimming, there’s a mum who’s having a really rubbish day and just doesn’t have the energy to leave the house.

For every status update by a mum who’s been out for a run, there’s a mum sat eating a packet of biscuits for breakfast wondering why she can’t get the time to go for a run and wondering where she’s going wrong.

For every photo of kids dressed immaculately in Joules, there’s a mum who’s kids are dressed in F & F with chocolate and snot slime trails on the cuffs.

For every photo with a beautifully tidy house in the background there’s a mum who’s house looks like a bomb’s just gone off.

A typical scene in our messy playroom complete with carton of orange smoothie spilt over the carpet. And yes it’s the cheaper-than-Innocent brand. Take that social media.

Mums, please give yourselves a break.

Give the kids the iPad for an hour and make yourself a cup of tea.

Just because your life isn’t Insta-worthy does NOT make you a bad mum.

Treat social media with caution and for goodness sake please be kind to yourselves.

****

If you are experiencing feelings of anxiety or depression on a regular basis please please speak to your GP.

****

Cuddle Fairy
This Mum's Life
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18 Comments

  1. 3rd August 2017 / 6:48 am

    Yep I have definitely felt this way! It’s so hard in this day and age not to compare yourself and your life to others. I’m my own harshest critic and seeing what amazing stuff other people are doing brings out the negative voice. Such an honest and reassuring post x #bloggerclubuk

    • 3rd August 2017 / 6:57 am

      Thank you! That’s exactly what I was aiming for…to be brutally honest (unlike social media at times!) Thanks for commenting xx

  2. 3rd August 2017 / 11:55 am

    Just remember that Barbara only shares the good moments – the next five minutes when the kids throw a tantrum and scatter the picnic all over? Well, that picture doesn’t make it to social media but it happens!
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK 🙂
    Debbie

    • 3rd August 2017 / 10:54 pm

      You’re so right! It’s hard to try to get a sense of that when you’re being bombarded with picture-perfect moments every time you open Facebook or Instagram!! Thanks for commenting!

  3. 4th August 2017 / 6:57 pm

    I love it that you tell it like it is. Debs is right that most people only show the good bits. #bloggerclubuk.

  4. 7th August 2017 / 10:40 am

    I know I read and commented last week but I really needed to remind myself of this today! I’m having a bit of a low mojo day and it’s great to remember we’re not alone in having moments of feeling inadequate xx #bigpinklink

  5. 7th August 2017 / 1:32 pm

    Nobody writes the truth because they don’t want judgment but I think they don’t want to believe it themselves. I have blogged about holidays and put the truth in but find I water it a bit as print is so bald! We ALL have those shit days even Clarissa and Mavis with the four sets of bilingual twins under two who appear to be the Von Trapps😊

    • 7th August 2017 / 8:57 pm

      Haha brilliant! Yes I totally agree with the judgement aspect, people are so quick to judge and ridicule nowadays. Thanks for commenting!

  6. 7th August 2017 / 10:40 pm

    Had one of those days today as it goes and set up a new linky thing last week to celebrate the real blogs about real stuff where sometimes things go wrong a bit or a lot as I am bored stiff of seeing air-brushed lives and of the impact it can have on women and mums’ fragile self-esteem and mental wellbeing

    • 8th August 2017 / 1:16 am

      Well said!! The impact on mental health is horrific. I know how much social media has affected my mood st times so despair at the thought of its effects on more fragile women. If you happen to see this reply can you let me me know the name of your new linky? Sounds like something I should join up to! Thanks for your comment!

  7. 10th August 2017 / 9:09 am

    I can’t craft, or cook anything interesting, or put a decent outfit together, or do anything that could vaguely make a good picture. And there are many days that I just can’t be bothered to leave the house. I totally get it – there is nothing Insta-worthy about my life! But to be honest, I couldn’t be arsed with the effort anyway haha I like the sound of your typical day much better than Babs’… it’ll only piss down with rain all over her yacht anyway! #bigpinklink

    • 10th August 2017 / 3:36 pm

      Yes to all of the above! Lol-ing at the “can’t be arsed with the effort!” Me neither, I’m too busy drinking tea and eating biscuits to be insta-worthy (crumbs down my hoodie don’t really scream “Instagram!”) Next time I see a pic of Babs aboard that bloody yacht, I’m going to google how to do a rain dance! Thanks Muffy, always love your comments xx

  8. 10th August 2017 / 6:41 pm

    And, might I add, at what age should a bum be able to be properly wiped? 3, 5, 35? Just sayin!’ Oh that Barbara! Great post #bigpinklink

  9. 11th August 2017 / 10:30 am

    Yes yes yes! This was my day yesterday, my husband came home to me having a breakdown… I don’t even bother with Insta for this very reason, my mental health takes a big enough kicking from my own guilt, I don’t need Barbara (fucking Barbara) making it worse. I love you for posting this, we’re all in this together!
    #bigpinklink

    • 11th August 2017 / 9:19 pm

      Amen to that! Social media is a disaster zone for mental health! I have several breakdowns a week so I know where you’re coming from!! Thanks for your comment x

  10. 12th August 2017 / 10:32 pm

    Oh good ole Barbara, we all have at least one of those on our social media feeds. Thank you for this honest post, I think the majority of us feel like this at some point or another. I just try to remember that people only tend to share the ‘good’ moments and we don’t really know whats going on behind. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

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