A Very Grown Up View on Kids’ TV: PART 2

My previous mutterings on some popular children’s TV went down so well that I thought I would add more of my CBeebies related thoughts.

If you have a bottle of wine handy, now’s a good time to pour it , or, since no one’s being fancy here, have a giant slurp straight from the bottle – one less thing for the dishwasher, eh?

 

Justin’s House

So let’s ignore the fact that this show is essentially about a middle-aged man inviting hordes of children to his house to “play.”

And let’s also ignore that Justin’s waistcoat looks like it’s made from the exact same material as the little jiffy pots we grew cress in at primary school.

So ignoring those minor issues, let’s focus on the main issue: out of curiosity, have you EVER seen Justin leave for work?

No, you haven’t have you?

Hey kids!

Guess what?

When you’re a grown-up, you’ll definitely be able to fanny about your ridiculously colourful house all day and still somehow find the money for hired help!

And not just any old hired help, platinum-level hired help – the kind that answers the door for you when you’re literally standing a matter of feet from the door and even joins you in singing little comical songs you make up as the day progresses.

What a life lesson for the kids we have there, well worth the licence fee.

 

Mister Maker

Another CBeebies show, another dreadful waistcoat.

Mister Maker is a walking fashion faux pas.

Since when do we style a polka dot waistcoat with a beige sports jacket and 90s boot-cut jeans?!

Actually, since when do we wear polka dot waistcoats?!

Just as a side note, is the Maker Mobile roadworthy?

Dubious.

Never once have I seen an episode where Mister M’s heading to the MOT Centre. Not once.

Also, I have to be honest, I would like to see a little more blood flow to Mister Maker’s lips, they’re terribly pale. Maybe he needs to branch out from crafts and include some outdoor physical activity in his life.

 

Teletubbies

Risk of heart disease much?

The NHS recommends that waistlines shouldn’t be more than 37 inches for men and 31.5 inches for women.

Even though we aren’t quite sure of the exact gender of these psychedelic fatties, they are definitely measuring in over that threshold.

And surviving on a diet of custard isn’t going to help ward off that Type 2 Diabetes coming their way either.

I’d like to see an episode with the Teletubbies maybe doing some light fundraising for a defibrillator or with the “again, again” (annoying) clip letting us follow morbidly obese Brenda as she heads into triple bypass surgery.

 

Peter Rabbit

Just a quick thought – the male characters. They’ve gone to the trouble of putting on jackets (Benjamin has even gone as far as a hat), but their bottom half?

Stark naked.

No idea.

An all-out nudist rabbit. Clearly not Peter.

I Can Cook

Can we spare a thought for the poor parents at the end, forced to eat sweaty stuffed egg that’s been perspiring in Tupperware for the last hour.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, they then have to do their best “mmmmmmm delicious!!!!!!!!” face.

Yummy – sweaty lukewarm eggs made by kids. May contain boogers.

Then to add insult to injury, an energetic Katie takes the kids and engages in fun high-intensity sports at the end, leaving the poor parents nauseous and battling feelings of extreme parental inadequacy.

All together now… “Roll up your sleeves, give Katie a punch…

(Obviously don’t actually punch anyone, because that would make you a criminal and there’s no Sauv Blanc in jail now is there.)

3 Little Buttons
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19 Comments

  1. 7th August 2017 / 8:46 am

    Brilliant! Made me laugh out loud again and again. Which is bit of a problem because I’m at a funeral

  2. 8th August 2017 / 7:10 am

    Haha. As a stay at home dad I frequently over analyse kids tv. This really made me laugh.

    • 8th August 2017 / 2:10 pm

      Wow! Thank you! That’s such a compliment coming from an Irish comedy genius – this has made my day!!

  3. 8th August 2017 / 8:08 am

    Ha! I love this grown up view of kids telly. Is it bad that even with the jiffy pot waistcoat I have a little crush on Justin?? I am sure it is because he is so good with children but I cant help feeling like I would like to take him out for a drink and get him slightly merry! We watch Peter Rabbit every day and yes I never noticed that about their bottom half 🙂 xx #DreamTeam

    • 8th August 2017 / 2:08 pm

      Hahaha!! I can’t see the attraction myself but then again I can’t see past the waistcoat! Thanks for your comment x

  4. 10th August 2017 / 10:21 pm

    OMG you are right!!! Why am I encouraging my daughter into obesity with the Teletubbies!? Tubby is in the name… is it subliminal messaging to create another generation of rotund individuals to cripple the NHS and force privitisation? I don’t even know what that means, but I’ve read enough Daily Mail to realise that something fishy is going on here. Perhaps the crap they cook on ‘I can cook’ is to put little ones OFF of healthy eating? I think we (well, you) are onto something! #DreamTeam

    • 11th August 2017 / 10:05 am

      Ahahaha!!!!!!! You have it all worked out!!! Now I can see it clearly there are so many subtle politically driven undertones to CBeebies!!!! Laughing so hard at the Daily Mail bit!!!😂😂😂 xx

  5. 11th August 2017 / 9:49 am

    Oh please can we give you your own channel to run alongside CBeebies just for us grown ups? Or even better – could you maybe appear in the bottom corner of the screen and ad-lib, but on mute and just with subtitles so that the kids can’t hear but we grown ups finally get to find Beebies as giggly-entertaining as the kids do? Please do it. Pleeeeeeese. xx

    • 11th August 2017 / 10:02 am

      Your comment is going on my CV and above the door of my house and I’m getting it tattooed on my…ok too far. I’m trying to play it cool but you’re one of my comedy role models and you just suggested I do inappropriate ad-libs on Beebs. Flattered beyond words hehe!!! Thank you!!!xx

  6. 11th August 2017 / 11:01 am

    Hahaha! Hysterical! I take issue with all those shows too! I have a particular hated for Bing – woooooo many issues there! #mainylovessummer

    • 11th August 2017 / 11:02 am

      Flippin eck man, autocorrect is working overtime for your posts! 😄
      *Soooooooo

    • 12th August 2017 / 10:20 pm

      Haha!!! Yes Bing might be a whole separate blog post of its own! So many issues! Thanks for your comment !

  7. 11th August 2017 / 7:40 pm

    hahaha! I am so glad my girls are past watching Cbeebies. lol
    This is hilarious! EVERY TIME my girls watched I can cook they wanted to cook….Ugh! #mainylovessummer

  8. 12th August 2017 / 2:59 pm

    I’m fascinated with whole mr tumble justins house set up. When my boys were little they loved him……I’ve always watched him with wonderment and one raised eyebrow! Thanks so much for joining up with this post and I love your take on things.
    Mainy
    #mainylovessummer

  9. 14th August 2017 / 5:13 pm

    Haha, this is brilliant! CBeebies definitely need new stylists lol.
    #MainyLovesSummer

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