An Open Letter to the C.R.A.P. on my Kitchen Worktop

Dear Pile of C.R.A.P. (Coupons, Receipts And (other generic) Papers)

When I decided you could stay for a bit on my kitchen worktop you were only a baby. You were a mere 3, maybe 4 at a push, school letters. You looked so neat and innocent I couldn’t resist letting you shack up in that cosy little corner right next to our toaster.

But, oh C.R.A.P., how you have grown in these last couple of months.

I think Daddy has been feeding you.

I’ve told him not to, because he mostly feeds you the rubbish we get in the post that we really don’t need. And I’ve told him umpteen times that political campaign leaflets and Tesco mail drops are not good for you.

Actually C.R.A.P., I think that’s why we’ve grown apart. I used to think you were a pile of C.R.A.P. with substance, meaning.

I used to think you were all about the important things in life, like school reports, maybe a rates bill here and there, a decent Sainsbury’s coupon or two even.

Lately, I’ve seen a side of you that I just don’t like C.R.A.P. – like the packet of TicTacs that fell out of you the other day, and the takeaway menu from the Chinese down the road.

And sometimes I feel as though you’re deliberately trying to hurt me C.R.A.P.

Like on Wednesday, when I was trying to have an important conversation with you (about a form I was supposed to have signed a week ago) and you just fell to the floor.

Was that REALLY the time to be such a massive drama queen C.R.A.P.?

It’s not always about you! It was almost as if you weren’t even listening…it was as if you didn’t care that I was late and REALLY needed that form.

Sorry, I just don’t know who you are anymore C.R.A.P. and I feel as though some day I might scatter you with my bare hands…..or worse….put you into the recycling bin.

Daddy is so much more attached to you than I am but he can live with your lopsided jagged edge better than I.

Every morning as I put some bread into the toaster, I see you out of the corner of my eye. I see you watching, daring me to try to find something amidst your A4 chaos.

Yes I know you can’t forgive me for all the times I gathered you up and put you in a dark cupboard for hours C.R.A.P., but I just couldn’t bear to let our friends and family see you like that. I’m not sure they even know about you.

So C.R.A.P., I think the time has finally come. It’s just not working out anymore, today I’m going to sort you out once and for all.

Rhyming with Wine

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26 Comments

  1. 20th July 2017 / 11:11 pm

    I hear you on this one. Surfaces are the bane of my life as I drop important stuff but everyone else drops everything and weirdly you never see it happen – it is just there!

    • 20th July 2017 / 11:48 pm

      Yes!! Once something goes into the dreaded pile it is never to be seen again! It’s tantamount to a horror film ha! Thanks for commenting!

  2. 21st July 2017 / 5:53 am

    This! I can totally relate. Why do I have so many takeaway menus when I always order online? It drives me insane!! It also becomes a place random screws and other miscellaneous crap found on the floor ends up. X #blogcrush

  3. 21st July 2017 / 6:39 am

    I ty to keep mine as clear as possible but I still see it creeping back and it REALLY annoys me! #blogcrush

  4. 21st July 2017 / 6:07 pm

    So today we found a moldy nectarine in among our pile of crap this morning and so I’m taking it as a sign that I also need to finish things with our resident pile too? Eeeeeek! Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub this really tickled me see you after summer! xoxo

    • 22nd July 2017 / 7:03 am

      Hahaha! A mouldy nectarine!!!!! Haha!!!! That would definitely be a deal-breaker for me too! Thanks for your comment! Looking forward to linking up to #coolmumclub once I have my freedom back the summer hols are over!x

  5. 21st July 2017 / 6:48 pm

    Ha! I can so relate to this. We always seem to accumulate piles of crap that me and my husband are both too lazy to look through and tidy, so they just grow until they’re out of control. #BlogCrush

    • 22nd July 2017 / 7:01 am

      ‘Out of control’ haha!!!! I feel you, I think I’d need to set aside an entire weekend to sort out our pile of crap! Thanks for your comment!x

  6. 21st July 2017 / 7:46 pm

    My husband has a whole work surface full of crap, it annoys the hell out of me. I am organised and he is disorganised, it is all fun and games in my household 😉 X #coolmumclub

    • 22nd July 2017 / 7:00 am

      Me too! My husband drives me mad, he’s soooo disorganised!! Arrgh!! Haha! Thanks for commenting x

  7. 24th July 2017 / 1:16 am

    The pile and the junk drawer drive me nuts! Left unattended, like rabbits, it multiplies. Ugh. Good luck with your attention to this growing issue. Do let us know how it goes… Dare I send it to the recycle bin. No! I must go through it. I will — right after you! Genius! #BlogCrush

  8. 24th July 2017 / 5:26 am

    I just looked at my stack of crap and realized it’s about to take over the world. Guess I’ll have to sort it now. #BlogCrush

  9. 24th July 2017 / 6:00 pm

    YES! I have this exact same pile in my kitchen! Ours lives on the counter under the window though. I actually binned it all yesterday, apart from one important letter the rest was completely rubbish. I hope you don’t find the break up too difficult!xx #blogcrush

    • 24th July 2017 / 9:18 pm

      Haha! That’s good to know Wendy! I’m so tempted to just bin ours but knowing me I’d accidentally bin something insanely important! Thanks for your comment xx

  10. 24th July 2017 / 6:38 pm

    That pile…UGH. We definitely have one of those in our kitchen. I will occasionally go through it, and most of it gets moved to the “to be filed” pile in our office. Someday I will go through that pile as well…someday…

  11. 25th July 2017 / 1:01 pm

    Jemma, I’ve learned that it’s impossible to put down a single scrap of paper anywhere and it not multiply like rabbits. So I never put anything like that on the kitchen counter. But my desk … ohhh my desk … a large horizontal surface with multiple piles that started with just a single scrap of paper. Sad.

  12. Bridie By The Sea
    30th July 2017 / 10:20 pm

    Haha love this! Ah man the amount of crap in my house is just unbearable sometimes…I find that you have to be brutal with these things!! Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

  13. 1st August 2017 / 5:52 am

    I used to have a corner in my kitchen cupboard that the OH uses that’s now gradually taking OVER the cupboard! You have my sympathy! xx
    wwwvanityandmestyle.com

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